February 2012
Someone just got killed behind my house.
nervous
That Awkward Moment When
how-do-i-tumblr:
You spend so much time with your best friend that everyone thinks you’re dating but you arent really
me: did it hurt?
person: what
me: when you blew through the earth, emerging from hell
person:
Woman: Can I have birth control?
Government: No.
Woman: I got pregnant because I didn't have birth control and I don't want the fetus. Can I have an abortion?
Government: No.
Woman: I gave birth to my child but since I wasn't expecting it, I can't afford daycare. Can I have help paying for it?
Government: No.
Watch
I wonder if friends hurt me on purpose.
katara:
flirt with every boy until one likes you back
Mom: *calls my name*
Me: *closes computer, gets up, opens door, walks downstairs, jumps through hoop of fire, fights muhammad ali in his prime, wrestles a bear, out runs usain bolt, climbs mount everest*
Mom: Hand me that thing literally 5 feet from where I'm sitting.
Me:
